We waited and waited for him to feel better, but he couldn't fully recover. A few weeks later, he had severe abdominal pain and we went to the ER. There we discovered, much to our horror, that his appendix had ruptured and that immediate surgery was needed.
The doctor told him that if the surgery was a simple laparoscopic fix, the operation wouldn't take too long. But if a part of his bowel needed to be cut out, the surgery would be much longer. I waited for him in his room and watched as the time for the "easy" fix came and went. Hours later, they finally rolled him into his room. I feared the worst. But thankfully, my husband informed me that his bowels were still intact, and that he wouldn't need to stay in the hospital for a month.
Phew!
But then sepsis set in, and again we prayed and watched and waited. Severe sepsis has a 50% mortality rate. Those were horrifying odds for me to contend with. The worst-case scenarios were too possible, and too vivid. I knelt by my bed, overcome with fear, and plead with Heavenly Father to help my husband -- and to help me.
Oh, and did I mention I was due with my fourth child that same week?
Yeah.
About that....
The next morning he began to improve, and we were thankful. The baby started acting up while I was at my husband's bedside, wanting to make an entrance. Again, we were thankful -- that the baby had waited until after the worst of the surgery/sepsis saga was over. But we wanted my husband to be there for the birth, so we hoped our baby would wait just a few days more.
The baby DID wait -- my husband came home from the hospital, drugged and miserable and hardly able to move, but at least he was out. He didn't make it a full day before we went right back, this time, for the birth -- which was it's own saga. You can read the full story here, on my other blog.
I don't remember much about March and April of last year. There was so much going on physically between the two of us that our attention was turned in. What little attention could be spent focusing on things outside of ourselves was spent on the children. But that's it. Piles of mail and dishes accumulated on the kitchen counter, to hopefully be put away on a good day. It didn't matter. I don't care about the piles of bowls and papers. I cared about making sure my husband and my baby both made it home from the hospital safely.
And they did.
In spite of all of the difficulties we faced at this time last year, that's not what I think about a year later. What strikes me now is how incredibly blessed we were. How incredibly blessed we are! Our difficult time was temporary. We healed, and forgot the feeling of being afraid and in pain. We moved on. I know that not everyone gets to move on so easily, and maybe that's why I feel so deeply indebted to a Father that allowed us to take the easy way out.
There was peace and healing and happiness after the trial, and it was immediate. During the trial, there was comfort and family and friends to make the process bearable. And there was a shield of blessings protecting us from long-term sadness or loss -- a shield that I KNEW was there -- that I FELT, even when my mind took me to sad outcomes. The Holy Ghost let me know that it was going to be okay.
I don't know how I got so lucky to receive these immediate and not so immediate blessings. We have been blessed with health and happiness, and now is the challenge of using what the Lord has blessed us with for the good of those around us. Because I have been blessed with good health and healthy, happy children, I have energy left over. I have more to give.
The question is, how do I best serve the Lord? I'm trying to prioritize.
I figure I'm the center of a ripple. The first person I need to take care of, and help spiritually/emotionally/physically, is myself. Now that I'm doing okay, I can focus on the next ripple out -- my immediate family.
I feel good about how I'm doing as far as taking care of the spiritual/emotional/physical needs of my family. There are times when I need to take a moment to myself to make sure I'm okay, when I have to retreat a bit from my responsibilities to my family, but those moments do not come very often.
I can meet the needs of my family -- and they, in turn, have a "full charge" and can help meet the needs of the next circle out in the ripple pattern -- friends and extended family.
I feel particularly responsible for those who I have been given a stewardship over; those who I have been called to personally minister to. In that circle are the nursery children at church, and the women I visit once a month with my visiting teaching companion. I have room for improvement there. I don't make it out to see my sisters every month, and the children in the nursery don't always get the most nutritious snack or a spiritual lesson. I'm working on both of those areas. I do try to remember the sisters I have on my route, to keep them in my prayers. I care about them; how could I NOT want to pray for them? How great is it that the church is set up to ensure that everyone has someone to answer the "please say a prayer for me" call? I will happily pray for them, and I will pray to understand how I can best help them.
As for the nursery children, they are on my mind quite a bit. They are all very young right now and for the past two months, the goal has been to simply get the children used to the routine, and not cry when Mom or Dad leaves. But now, we're at a point where a little bit more substance can be added to the routine. I think it's time to start adding more spiritual references to the activities. It's time to learn how to say a prayer in class. It's time to learn how Jesus is depicted in pictures. It's time to become familiar with the children's hymns, even if they can't actually sing them yet. It's time.
The next ripple out is my responsibility to help my community. In this area I have not done well. I don't even know where to start! Being a non-type-A person doesn't help. It's not easy for me to get out there, to interact with other adults and be a normal person. I am trying to help out in the kids' school classes a little more, but I could definitely do better there. I've been so focused on taking care of the inner ripples, that I haven't developed the skill of helping people beyond my family and close friends.
But now, it's time to express my gratitude for my blessings, and extend those blessings to others as far as I can. It's time. I just need to find a way to do it that suits my non-type-A personality!
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